Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
