White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
