i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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