I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
