i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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