cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
