So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize