white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
