I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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