Well apparently he's into motor boating.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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