He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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