My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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