He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
