Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
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