dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
