FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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