I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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