But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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