Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
