also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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