for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
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