I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
