I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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