Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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