he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
