You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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