peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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