Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
