it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
