just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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