sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
