Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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