True but thats because hes a fetus.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
