I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize