felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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