loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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