I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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