dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize