3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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