This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i wish my penis had a tongue
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
