how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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