She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
