I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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