Acid is not a monday night drug
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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