just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
