a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
