@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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