Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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