bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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