dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
