when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize