I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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