I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
