dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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