Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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