He disabled his match.com account in front of me
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
