how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
