Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
