She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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