If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
