she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
