I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
