my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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