Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
