A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
