Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
