Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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