Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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