how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
