Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize