I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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