you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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