I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
