He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
