My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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