I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize