I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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