Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
