i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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