apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
