Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
