can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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