I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
