You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Randomize
