maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
