In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
