I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
A+ Viking dick
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize