even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
