watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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