Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
