got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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