You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
