please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
