You can't special order awesome
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Acid is not a monday night drug
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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