Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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