Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
