I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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