Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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