All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
