I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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