Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
