hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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