....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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