What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
