fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
