Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
