once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
jump out the window naked night went bad
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
