youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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