He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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