she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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