1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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